I remember...

After I lost Madee I went to the cemetery every single day for a year. I took it very seriously, that's the only thing I thought about every day, how to make sure I worked in 45 minutes to an hour and a half of time everyday to spend at the cemetery. There was even one day at work that I had a huge crying breakdown because the other manager had not shown up from his meeting so that I could leave, and it was getting late, I drove as fast as I could to get there. I even drove off on the side of the road that day where traffic had stopped, all I cared about was making it there, and I did. 

Anyhow, today is 6 years ago since her funeral. About a week after the funeral my mom and I were at the cemetery watering the grass we had just planted, when a man by the name of Harold Wettig drove up. He got out of the car and started to walk toward us. He asked "Are you the family of 'Sugar Puddin'?" We were a little taken back and holding back the tears we said "yes we are." He then handed me a envelope, I opened it and inside were these two pictures that he had taken the day after Madee's funeral. I was so grateful, we hadn't thought to take pictures of all the flowers (well what we left at the cemetery, we brought many home as well it was amazing how many people showed love for Madee.) Plus there are a lot of things that I don't remember that went on during all of this. Most of the events I just remember bits and pieces, which is for the best. The parts I do remember I wish I didn't. 

Well, back on track, Harold told us that it is just something he does for families after someone is buried at that cemetery. His wife is buried there too. He also gave me a copy of a story that was written about him in the newspaper. I will never forget his kindness and I am forever grateful for the pictures he captured. 

In ten minutes this day will be officially over and tomorrow will be another day I wake up without my baby...

The finished project!

Sorry it has taken me so long to post this picture. Here is the first ever project that Matthew turned in to school. I had fun making it, I just wish I could have had a bigger piece of paper cause I could have done so much more to it. We went to back to school night tonight, it was really cute to see the things Matthew has made in class so far.

Pictures from today...

Thank you to my friends and family who still remember, that means so much to me!

We always write a message to madee on balloons and then let them go to her. This was something we did at her funeral with tons of pink balloons. 

10 Years!

Today is Carlos & my 10 year anniversary! We haven't celebrated it for the past 5 years because of what tomorrow is. It's a little hard to try and be happy during this part of the year. However, I couldn't let this day pass without ackknowledging it. 10 years is huge! We have been through a LOT together, happy, sad, the unthinkable. We have become stronger most people don't make it through losing a child, it tears their relationship apart. Instead it made us stronger, it made us realize the importance of each day. That's why we don't like to do anything without Matthew. Most parents can't wait to have a night out alone, we never feel that way. That's why I still love him so much, he loves being a parent as much as I do.

It always seems to come back...

It's here again....September...gosh I hate September....I can't think of one thing, not one that I like about it. It is the hardest time of the year for me. Even though in 2 1/2 days it will be 6 years since I experienced the WORST day of my life, some how every year feels like it just happened when the day rolls around. I never believed that I would make it 6 years without my baby girl, *sigh* I never thought I'd make it through the night without her. If anyone wonders how I have or is thinking to them self right now "I couldn't do it", well I never thought I would be able to either. I quickly learned that when something like that happens to you no one comes and gives you a choice. I didn't get to pick 6 years ago to stop living my life, well I guess in a sense I could have, but you know what I mean. My only option for the last 6 years has been to wake up every morning and breathe, so that's what I do. I get up every morning take in a deep breath kiss my little boy (don't dare tell him I said little) I some how make it through the rest of the day get in bed at night and kiss that little boy again, knowing how lucky I truly am to have such a wonderful miracle. Then it's starts over again. It is still very hard and very painful...I think about things that I miss out on everyday. Madee would have started 1st grade this year!

Kiss your babies every day, make sure you always tell them you love them (even if it's when they are sleeping.) Life is unexpected and unfair a lot of the time, be sure not to regret the time you have.

A project sent home on the first day of Pre-K?!?!

Okay so Matthew got sent home with a project on the first day of school and when is it due....in five days! Now let me tell you a little about this project. It is to be on a piece of poster board that is a little larger than a legal size piece of paper. And it is basically supposed to be a collage about him. With pictures of him and his family and things he likes. The paper said in big bold letters BE CREATIVE! Oh, no problem...I looked at Matthew and said..."Oh we have this in the bag!" Ha Ha Ha! I think I am gonna like pre-k! It is going to bring out even more of my creativity...ha ha ha! I haven't started it yet believe it or not, but let me tell you I already have lots of ideas! I will take a picture of the finished project and post it this weekend. So stay tuned!

Matthew had a great first day!!!

Matthew was so excited to tell us all about his first day of school. He told us he had a lot of fun. He told us over and over thank you for taking him and thank you for picking up. He did ask us what we did when we left him at school. Ha Ha he wanted to make sure that we weren't out having fun with out him. It was really cute. 

Matthew's First Day of School

In the car on the way there. 

In front of the school.

Matthew started Pre-K today. He has been really excited about this! He went to bed at 9pm  last night (which everyone knows is really early for Matthew.) We woke him up at 6:45 this morning and he said he still wanted to sleep...just like his parents...ha ha. I took him in the bathroom and told him to brush his teeth and before he stuck the toothbrush in this was the conversation him and I had:

Me- "Are you excited to go to school today?"

Matthew- "Are you gonna leave me all by myself?" in a whinning voice.

Me-"Baby, Mommee & Daddee can't stay with you at school"

Matthew in a scared voice almost crying "so you are gonna leave me all alone?"

Me- "No baby, the teacher will be there and all of your new friends in your class"

then he said nothing else and started brushing. Oh man at that point I was so worried. I got him dressed and sent him downstairs to his Daddee to eat. He ate his breakfast and we set out to leave. He was really excited after that. We got to the school and he was all smiles. When he got to the classroom he was so excited to see that he could play playdoh right off. He has been in love with playdoh ever since he got it for his birthday this past year. So he put his backpack and lunch box away and then sat down to play. He was so in to playing that he didn't care if we were there or not. We kissed him and said bye, I had to drag Carlos out believe it or not. I had to leave I didn't want Matthew to see me cry. We had to stop at the nurse to give his meds. And then when we got to the car I balled like a big baby. And ever since we have been nothing but talking about him and saying what is he doing now. (We have a schedule so we know...lol) Well here are some pictures we took and in about 15 minutes we get to go and get him! 

The Circus 2008

Matthew told Carlos & I that he was going to the circus for about a week so finally a few days before opening night I bought the three of us tickets. Carlos didn't go last year so he said he wanted to this year. We had a really fun time and had great seats. Before the show started they let everyone walk down to the middle of the arena and meet the stars and some animals. Matthew got to see an elephant up close eat whole apples and even PAINT two pictures! That was really cool. We love taking Matthew to things like this just to see his face light up with excitement makes it all worth it. 

Melissa's 30th Birthday party

The first weekend in August we went to San Antonio for his cousin Melissa's 30th Birthday party. The Theme was Strawberry Shortcake just like she had when she was little. It was very cute! They had a Big Strawberry Shortcake pinata. Here are a few pictures we captured. We all had a fun time! 

My Aunt Polly's Birthday Party

Sisters

The Birthday Girl!

Two weekends ago we spent Saturday night at my Aunt Polly's Birthday Party. Here are some of the pictures we took outside. We always have a great time when we are all together like this. 

Holy VINTAGE shirt Batman!

This shirt that Matthew sleeps in is at least 19 years old. If it wasn't so thin we would let him wear it outside of the house. Ha Ha! It was my brother Dane's tshirt and then my brother Deven wore it as well and some how I have ended up with it. My mom obviously gave it to me before she knew Dane was having a boy, otherwise it would have gone to my nephew Aiden. Matthew has really gotten in to Batman though, so he enjoys wearing it. I think it's awesome to own a shirt so old and it is still loved so much! 

So maybe it really is my fault....sorry Matthew....

http://www.everydayhealth.com/publicsite/news/view.aspx?id=617477&cen=HC:%20Asthma&pd=7/15/2008


If I had only known that eating nuts & peanut butter would have done such a thing to my child, I never would have eaten them while I was pregnant with him. It's not like I had a whole lot of options as to what would stay down though....sigh...sorry Matthew.

Okay so last night before Carlos got home from work Matthew and I started our nighttime story a little early. I did so because I had a different kind of book for him. Instead of me reading him a story, I wanted to fill out a book that he got on his first birthday from his Aunt that lives in Chicago. I had held on to the book so long because I wanted him to be old enough to participate in it. The book is called "A Book About Me!" it's a Dr. Seuss book. So Matthew and I began filling it out...it was silly stuff of course. Things like do you eat like a horse or a bird? How many teeth do you have on top and how many on bottom...how many windows does your house have...anyway you get the point. So Matthew and I were having a good time filling it out and Carlos got home. So then he was joining in on the fun. When all the sudden I get to the page that says "what do you want to be when you grow up____?" So I read the question out loud and Matthew immediately responded "Frankenstein" we giggled and I said well let's read some of the examples...and below it had things like "fireman, baseball player, doctor, nurse, and so on and all the sudden I read out loud BURGLAR! Carlos' eyes got huge, and he said with a stunned voice "It doesn't say that?!" I busted out laughing and said "Uh...yes it does!" Can you believe that?!?!? My son's Dr. Seuss book is actually encouraging kids to be a burglar when they grow up! Carlos and I just couldn't get over it, he stared at the book for a few moments and just laughed then said "you need to send that in to Jay Leno" ha ha ha....we put that book away after that...I decided that was enough for one night...

Matthew had his last basketball game last Saturday. He played his best game yet. He made 7 baskets during that game. He beat his own record! Carlos & I were so proud! After the game he got his medal, he now has two. He is already asking me when soccer starts. He hates the breaks in between the sports.