Wake Me Up When September Ends...

In just a short 15 minutes the dreaded September will be here... 

Somehow my heart always knows it's coming, I've been just down in the dumps for the past week {I apologize if I have snapped at anyone or been somewhere lost in space} and I know it's because it's getting close... Every year I think to myself "I can't believe I have lived with a piece of me missing for so long." However, like I've said over and over "I'm not a strong person, I just had NO OTHER choice." I'm here and she's not, and even though I wished for a long time that the world would quit spinning around me, it didn't. Just like I wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and it would be October 1st instead, but again that's not gonna happen. I will have to wake up every single day this month and breath deeply and live through it. {deep sigh...}

I added the Green Day song "Wake me up when September ends" to the blog for this month... Below are the lyrics, this year the song more than ever applies to me exactly since it says it's been seven years since his dad has been gone. This year will be 7 years since Madee has been gone. The only thing I changed in the lyrics below is father to daughter. 

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

wake me up when September ends

like my daughter's come to pass

seven years has gone so fast

wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again

falling from the stars

drenched in my pain again

becoming who we are

as my memory rests

but never forgets what I lost

wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed

the innocent can never last

wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again

like we did when spring began

wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again

falling from the stars

drenched in my pain again

becoming who we are

as my memory rests

but never forgets what I lost

wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

wake me up when September ends

like my daughter's come to pass

twenty years has gone so fast

wake me up when September ends

wake me up when September ends

wake me up when September ends 

My Baby is in Kindergarten!

The "K" is for Kindergarten. I am going to do this every year {well as long as he will let me I guess}

Star wars backpack from pottery barn kids

He sat right down and started coloring!

Peanut Free Table!

Today Matthew started Kinder. He didn't care for waking up early this morning, but we promised to bring him lunch! So we took him Sonic. He said he was having a good day. He has one friend in his class that he knows, a little boy from his baseball team. Here are some of pics of him. Which by the way this morning he said to me "why do you have to take a picture of me for EVERYTHING mom?!"

Madee's 7th Birthday Pics

Here are some pictures from Madee's Birthday that I never posted. I made a big pink and brown cupcake cake. I made those ladybugs to sick in it instead of candles, so that's why there is 7 ladybugs. It was chilly that day and it luckily didn't rain until we left. The below pictures are not in order sorry...

The Balloons in the sky

Nina & her boys

The cake with the Ladybugs

We flew a ladybug kite

We let go 3000 ladybugs like we do every year

Ladybugs

Aiden drawing Madee a wonderful picture!

After we all wrote our message to Madee we got ready to let the balloons go

here is the cake without the ladybugs

the boys with the cake

balloons I got for Madee

the boys

Matthew's 3rd Season playing Basketball

This was Matthew's 3rd season to play bball. We got to be back on Coach Raul's team {whom we love} and it was a great season. We were the Red Dragon's. Matthew can't wait for the next season! We just signed up for fall ball so that will keep him occupied during the fall.

Here is a short video of Matthew with the ball! He is #9. Sorry it's not the best video, but you can see him dribbling and then make the basket. :)

Matthew had surgery...

My baby had a Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy on Thursday the 13th of August. It was something I knew for a while he was going to need because I knew all of the symptoms. I tried and tried to get a picture of his tonsils but I couldn't get a good one. Basically they were HUGE! I do not know how he swallowed his food!! His snoring has always been as loud as Carlos'. Scary!

Okay back to the surgery, it was scheduled very quickly. I couldn't talk about it without getting very emotional. For 2 days straight before I couldn't stop crying. {My poor boss} I was a wreck. I barely slept. When Carlos told me he was scared I lost it! However, through everything I never let Matthew see me upset. He was not scared, thank god because I don't know that I could have gone through with it if he had been.


The day of we had to be there at 6:30am and the surgery was set to begin at 7:30. We got there at 6:15 and they took us back right at 6:30. My mom followed us there, she was the only person I asked to be there. She had to stay in the waiting room once they took us back to pre-op. In pre-op we had to answer the normal questions to the nurse they put Matthew's hospital bracelet on along with a big bright red bracelet that listed things he was allergic to. Then the Anesthesiologist came and spoke to us. He was very nice to Matthew and did make him feel comfortable, however I am sitting there trying to keep the tears from rolling down my face, because believe me they were at the edge of my eyelids. Then for about 25 minutes we were left alone. During that time Carlos & I played, laughed, hugged & told Matthew how much we loved him. {Just writing this makes me start to cry} Then right at 7:30 the Doctor came to us, he said hello, joked with Matthew a little and asked us if we had any more questions. Then he said "okay Matthew let's go" and he held out his hand for Matthew to take. I bent down kissed Matthew and whispered "I love you baby" to him then completely turned away and lost it. I was sobbing and then made the mistake of looking over at Carlos and I got worse. A nurse quickly came over and brought me tissues and then directed us to the room that we would be staying overnight in. Also where they would be bringing Matthew to us.


Once we got to the room I sat down and Carlos stood on the other end of the room. I got a hold of myself. Carlos was trying to be funny and light-hearted. {mind you he admitted more than once, he was just as much of a wreck on the inside as I was} Carlos messed around with stuff and got me to giggle a little. Let me just say that was the longest 45 minutes of my life. I could barely sit still. I watched every second of the clock go by. Finally I saw the doctor walking toward our room. He walked through the door and I stopped breathing. I don't think I took another breath until he said Matthew was okay. Once I started breathing again, I immediately started crying again...I know this doctor was thinking {why is she crying, I am telling her he is fine.} Once he left the room, every emotion from the past few days was released. My head fell to my hands. Carlos and I had a moment together that I think he would rather I keep between us. {for his manly pride} I am sure that everyone that could see us was probably thinking something bad had happened. With us being parents that have lost a child the way we did we have a totally different look on things. We have no trust. We are scared. We have different thoughts & emotions than people who have not been through the unthinkable. The thoughts and memories that came to me days before Matthew's surgery are seriously worse than anything you could possibly even think.


Once we knew he was okay Carlos & I relaxed. We took the coffee that we had been offered 45 minutes earlier. and sat there and talked until finally 30 minutes later they wheeled Matthew in to us. He was awake but groggy. He quietly talked to us for a moment. My mom then came back to where we were. She talked to him for a few minutes and then he fell asleep. He was asleep for about 30 minutes. Then was up and drinking fluids. He asked for his ds and only complained of the iv being in the way of him playing his game. It wasn't long before he asked to go to the bathroom and once he was up walking around he said he was ready to go home. Well, we were told that we had to stay overnight because they wanted to make sure he did okay because he has so many allergies. He was up until 11:30 that night with only one more 30 minute nap! He never complained of any pain. I couldn't believe it. Neither could the nurses. Just 6 hours after the surgery he was making us laugh by doing this hilarious dance {from his bed} heart monitor, iv and all. {It's loaded at the very bottom, it's long but I think it is pretty funny!!} He kept asking all day for visitors. My mom went home and picked up Haylee. They stopped and bought him 2 board games. {which we played numerous times} another thing the nurses were shocked that he wanted to do. My dad stopped and saw him after work. Then at 5:30 they brought in his dinner...now this was his first complaint....well more like he completely melted down. We were told that usually kids sleep all day after that surgery so they only feed them dinner. However Matthew had been up all day and all he had since 10 the night before was Popsicles. He was starving. Well his dinner was pureed chicken and mashed potatoes. When I sat the tray down in his lap he said in a starting to cry voice "MOM, they forgot my chicken" I said "no baby it's right here" as i took the lid off. Once he layed eyes on that blended, awful smelling pile of slop, he threw himself back on the bed and started crying. Then he said "I HATE WHAT THESE DOCTORS BROUGHT ME TO EAT!" I consoled him and promised him I would get him something else. I called up aunt desiree who I knew was coming to see him soon and asked her if she could bring him some soup. She did and he ate A LOT of it. Poor guy! Carlos walked across the street and got us Chipolte for dinner and I gave Matthew almost all of the chicken out of my burrito. :) Also he was so happy that his cousin Aiden came to see him, oh and Dane and Amber. Aiden sat on the bed with Matthew and they colored and played games for 45 minutes. At around 6 the nurse told Matthew she would take out his iv {because he was begging to be "free"} if he promised to keep drinking and eating popsicles. That was not a pleasant moment. He was definitely not thinking it was going to hurt when it came out. Needless to say he was mad at that nurse, but he was free! He could now go to the bathroom on his own! Once he fell asleep I was up for about another hour then I climbed into his bed with him {there was only one chair for one parent to spend the night, so i told carlos to sleep in that and I would sleep with Matthew.} As I layed there next to Matthew I couldn't believe that for as long as I could remember I was not hearing anything from Matthew. He was asleep and it was QUIET! That was a sigh of relief, I know that he is going to get a better night's sleep and that I will too! I also don't have to worry anymore about his sleep apnea!


They let us go at 6am the next morning and we got home and all 3 of us climbed in bed and slept till 11. We were so glad to be home.


Since the surgery, Matthew has done so well. He doesn't really complain of pain. His only complaints are, taking the nasty tasting pain meds and all the foods he CAN'T have. He keeps saying "I hate those doctors for not letting me eat what I want to eat!"


He did wake up today with a sour stomach and he threw up twice. I made him go back to sleep and he slept til almost 3. When he woke up at 3 he felt a lot better. They told me to expect that because of the meds he is taking.


We are just glad that it is all over and that he is safe and doing well. I know that it is a good thing that we did the surgery because he really needed it. {one day his wife will thank me..ha ha}


Now if you made it this far, here are some pics.

Aunt Haylee reading him the book she brought "Curious George goes to the Hospital" which is the book she got from aunt desiree when she got her tonsils taken out.

Matthew cuddling with Rockstar {he wasn't really sleeping..lol}

playing his ds...this was just about an hour and a half after the surgery...his face was still swollen

10 years later...

I taped this huge sign to my mom's garage real late the night before Deven graduated.

Most of you know I am the oldest of 4. We are all 5 years apart. The order goes Me, Dane, Deven & Haylee. These next series of pictures are from my little brother Deven's high school Graduation. He graduated from Bowie High School, just like I did. He graduated EXACTLY 10 years after me. My Mom figured out years and years back, that the years that we all were going to Graduate and we have always thought it was pretty cool. Me {1999}, Dane {2003}, Deven {2009} and Haylee will be {2013}. See the pattern...isn't that cool!! It goes even further than that... Deven and I were both born on Wednesday's and Haylee & Dane both on Tuesday's. My mom claims that Deven & I are alike and that Dane & Haylee are alike. Isn't that so weird?!?! Well I have always thought so...

Anyway, I'm very proud of my little brother. He will be going to college in the fall, and my parents bought him a car. I can't believe how old he has gotten. Little devi doo is all grown up now...

Congratulations Deven!

The Graduate

Devi Doo & Haylee Bug

Deven & Mom

and another

aka... Southside Legends

The Cousins

The Dad with the sons (yeah, my dad always has that "deer in headlight" look on his face in pictures..HA HA!)

Leaving the Erwin Center

Here is a pic of Deven & I in 2002, we were in Destin, FL.